Holy shit, my life is in shambles.

Sure, I got my lunch changed and I didn’t have to take the anatomy quiz, but the whole Mary and Alicia thing is killing me. I’m glad that Alicia misses me and I’m glad I got to walk w/ Mary and talk to her, but now everything’s fucked up.

Courtney listening to MU330, I never thought I would see the day. He’s gonna know of all these songs now and become all punk and all that? I don’t know, his Abercrombie & Fitch lifestyle is a little too solid for him to have an open mind about anything. I just hope Mary sees that in him.

I wish Alicia would tell her that I’m right for her, because I’m pretty sure she feels that way. Also, Friday doesn’t even seem to be an issue anymore. It’s like I was never invited. I hope I wasn’t too blah about it and Mary thinks I have no interest now.

But I feel like I’m in love with Alicia, but she’s with Dan FOREVER. Maybe I’ll hang out with Mary on Friday and get her to duck out early and we can go eat somewhere or something. I have to confront her on this.

“Am I driving you to Olive Garden?” (Please say yes and mean it).

DAMMIT I FUCKING HATE SCHOOL. I can’t stand being there. Why is this happening now?

I think Mary may be officially going out with Courtney now. It was bound to happen. And now I’m on the outside once again. I can’t do it myself. I can’t initiate it. Oh dammit I hate this shit. Why can’t it be more clear? I want to be with Mary. No awkward moments. Just her & me laughing at everything. That’s what I want.

Everything’s so different. I hate change. Esp. for the worse. Oh man, Alicia and I will soon grow further apart & I won’t ever talk to her again. That’s the worst case. I don’t know what I want from anyone. I want to be with Mary, not Courtney. Dammit why’d he jump on it so quickly!

Maybe I can leave soon, to go back to those lunches & I can be w/ Mary & Alicia and they can judge me & compare me to everyone else and make me feel like absolute shit.

Friday it’ll all be better. That’s my last hope. Friday. Friday. Friday. I can’t wait, but I hope to god it’ll turn out o.k. My huge wish is for her to see me and learn about Courtney. I can’t stand hearing about it. I don’t know. I just will never know, or will I?