I'm getting tired of this

Every day is the same thing. My emotions peak, drop, and even off at the same time every day. I'm really starting to get sick of it. Same feelings, put into different words and taken from different perspectives. I'm breaking everything & everyone down to a point where I don't see them as people like me, but instead of gateways & doors of my future (recent).

I go through these pains and hurt at the same points in the day, everyday. How many more times am I going to do this?

HELL RUT

That's what my life has become on a week to week basis. I'm in a hell rut and I need to shake things up and change my fucking life. I need a huge change. Because nothing is happening. I can't just hope. What the fuck do I do?

"Are these our lives?" - Trial

Good question. The answer is yes, but they dont have to be. I can change it. I can. Meaning--the possibility is there, not next year, right now. Starting tomorrow, right? How? I don't know. Give it some thought. Anything can do it.

Repeat and eat the same life. Bland. Tasteless. Keep chewinguntil I get too much than I want and I choke. Change the fucking flavor. Or throw it away. Start over, if possible. Resurrect life.

I wish I could find someone to give me a jump start like that.

-But there is a possibility-

I just need the balls. Well, it can't be that simple. Some can turn a cold shoulder & a cold heart & move on & never look back. Me, I can't do it. And thats misunderstood in more ways that could be explained. Too many. I can't shut myself off w/out feeling something worse than this hell rut.

So how do I turn my life around? How do I do it w/out hurting & emotionally breaking? And I know they don't give a fuck about doing it to me. Hypocrisy to them is so close that it doesn't focus when it occurs w/in them.

But, I still can't do it. Why wont I do something that has been & will be done to me ten-fold? Because I know how it feels, thats why. Hell rut has just begun, or so it seems. Just got to do something from that hope. I'm just afraid that hope will be distinguished if I try.

But it's completely useless w/out me trying.

Hope = NOTHING
Hope + Try = SOMETHING

There is never loss of hope. Or at least I hope so.

There's more than one option. I can move onto something. Well, not move on, but keep my plan but move it into another direction. There is no end all and say all. No one can say that. Theres too much world to let mine stop with this loss, or abrasion.

Let them be. Let them hold their own. They got a taste of me and spit it out. But my after taste can remain.

(((my world)))[)?[)?[)?[)?[)[them]]]]]]]]]