I’m never waking up tomorrow.

Right now I’m thinking of walking at graduation. I’m walking w/ Alicia by some twist of fate. A girl I just started really talking to this year, only because I kind of remind her of her boyfriend. I really hope she appreciates what I’m doing for her.

I don’t even know why I’m doing it. I’m much better friends w/ Curtis. He shouldn’t have to walk w/ Burns, but I truly don’t think he minds, and that makes it a lot easier to deal with. I hope she finds a way to pay me back just by maybe involving me more in her life.

I think that’s why I did it. I feel like I’m in love w/ her, but it’s probably some stupid high school feelings that’ll go away if I’m away from her long enough. I think its just because Dan goes out with her and I feel that’s my ticket to the scene and I can’t have a better opportunity than this. & Mary was another, easier way to get there, but that blew up in my face.

All I know is that high school sucks. I can’t find a way to be satisfied in H.S. and I want to leave.

Also, Shop Rite is heavily on my mind. I wish it weren’t. It’s not supposed to be. I’m not supposed to give it a 2nd thought. But once personal friendships (ie-me and Eric) are brought into it, it begins to eat away at me. I think Eric is on my side on this, but I really don’t know. He’s very close to the management & he may very well get beaten down by this fucking corporate system and lose touch w/ friends to become one of them. Paul can cover, like he said, and they can survive a night w/out me or Eric. But they were so closed-minded when I said “no” to Horowitz, that they would not compromise their power and talk with me to smooth out how I can help them w/out working at night.

There are alternatives to practically every situation. But once people become so comfortable with one way of doing things, coupled with their overall stubborn & closed-minded personalities to begin with, they have pure tunnel vision and will not accept any other way. Even if it’s better than they originally planned, UNLESS they’re backed into a corner and they are forced to. So it worked out, but we all resent each other as a result.

Whatever.

I’m fine with it, because I know (for the most part) who my real friends are.