Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Is it that I don’t take initiative?

Or is it my extreme desire to be liked by everyone? It kills me to think of my life piling up in the trash. Just waiting to be emptied. When I find what it is I want, I hope…

That’s it. Hope means nothing. I have to do something. Because I’m starting to lose it. It’s not just an easy label. Not boredom. Not anziness. It’s a desire. It burns and I want to keep it burning. A few is nothing. I want it all. I don’t know if I can get it.

It feels like I’m trying to beat the clock to get something I can look back on. I havent found something I can use as an outlet, either. I try and try but I wont step over the line. I’m afraid. Afraid of rejection?

No…awkwardness. My biggest social fear.

….(silence)….

-A million things running through my mind, not one comes out.-

What does she think of me?

I have to stop putting on a show.

She’s perfect for me, isn’t she?

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