Man, I hate nights like this.

It’s after Friday and everything at Olive Garden went pretty well. But, now I can’t sleep. It’s 6 AM and I have to get up in an hour for work and I didn’t get any decent sleep. Every time I close my eyes I think & re-think one million times in my head what I did or did not do.

Not to mention my throat and I had to shit and there’s this pimple on my tongue that really hurts and my lips seem to be getting chapped again and I had the worst bloody nose before I got to bed and my nose is all stuffy and I have a cough now and I have to work in a couple hours on no sleep.

Damn, I’m in over my head.

I’m constantly questioning what I did wrong. Was Mary mad at me for something? What was it? All I got out of it was that I didn’t pull all the way up to Dan’s car and she had to get out. Plus, maybe I didn’t pay enough attention to her at dinner? Or didn’t eat enough of her dessert? Maybe she thought it awkward that I payed since she’s practically going out with Courtney? Or is it that we spent our entire conversation bashing D.J.?

All I know right now is its going to be a long day at work because my body is tired and my throat is getting a little worse since I put that chapstick on. But my lips are really chapped, too.

Wow, thank God I got that all on paper.

That’s another thing. My faith is really being tested. Do I put on a façade about it and stay secretive? Or do I decide one way or the other? All I know is that I’m scared and need guidance. Plus, I was thinking if I even like Mary, or if she likes me! She kind of feigned interest, but I don’t even know if that’s accurate.

And it’s hot in here. That’s what I’m attributing to all this discomfort. But when I open the window, it’s cold. That’s like a metaphor for my life right now. I can’t decide so I just lay here and hope it gets better. I really hope I get over this illness, because I really hate it. And I have to go back to work today.

Oh, man, maybe I shouldn’t have gone at all last night. Its beginning to take a serious mental and physical toll on me. I’m tired & depressed and my mind is racing. I cant sleep and everything is going wrong with my body. I’ve got to pray everything will smoothe over and I get get back with my life.

Soon, all this will seem insignificant. When I get to Rutgers. I’ll have bigger problems then, won’t I? I don’t know. I just want my whole body to feel better. It all came to a head last night and this morning, and I wish I could skip work but I probably can’t and I can’t miss any more school, but this is taking a toll on me.

I’m not busting my ass at Shop Rite because I don’t feel I should. I hate this.

I can’t wait for the day I feel 100%. Then, maybe I can get some sleep or think more clearly, my throat’s not as sore, but my whole body seems to be filled with mucus. That’s disgusting. And I can only get a little out at a time through my nose but if I blow too hard, it’ll start bleeding. It’s like everything I’m doing I’m stuck in the middle on. And I can’t get my mind relaxed enough to sleep. Oh, god, I need sleep. I’ll try a long nap today after work. Maybe my emotions and physical problems might be better then.