Ok New Plan

At Burns’ (where I did end up going—damn guilt) I learned that Courtney and Mary have one hell of a thing going on. I knew he was a possibility from the start, but I just couldn’t get myself to think that they were anything. I didn’t really realize it. Well, it hit me like a ton of fucking bricks when I heard.

So my new plan is to do nothing. That’s the best I could come up with. If Mary and Courtney are going out now, what’s next? I can’t just move on. I never even really thought of myself with Mary. I just thought of it as a way of hanging out with people I actually share things in common with and can share my views with.

But no, she’s with Courtney now. While he’s a nice kid and can be a good friend, he is completely a phony person. His personality is made by MTV and all he really cares about is scoring another chick and being popular in that right.

How can anyone like “the cliq” of Wooded Valley? They’re all a bunch of stuck up dickheads, and Courtney’s one to want to be friends with them. Now I have nothing against being friendly to people and having a handful of close friends, but they are one and they don’t associate with anyone else. I mean how could you hang out with people whose main topics of conversation revolve around funneling beer? God, that’s all I ever hear out of them.

And Courtney’s a social alcoholic. He’ll drink if they said to. Just like Christine. These people do what the others ask in hopes of being popular. They’re so weak. They can’t stand up and say “no I don’t want to”

It’s because they don’t know they don’t want to. Does that make sense? Yeah it does. The society of America as a whole has been given the impression that popular opinion is ALWAYS the right one. No matter what the issue. And Courtney whole-heartedly believes that. And I truly don’t see what Mary sees in him. He heard of the break-up and thought “there’s a catch” he jumped right on it and no one questions him. Alicia is happy about it. And I’m once again the odd man out.

That’s the story of my fucked-up life so far. I have absolutely no balls and people take that as I don’t care when I really do. I wanted to give Mary a try, I really did. Its not often when I say that either. I wont go out with a girl unless I have respect for her and she was one. But instead she went for the looks and personality. But she’ll see that he has not much to offer. She’ll realize he is nothing more than a product of American pop-culture and everything he believes in comes from the media.

At least I hope she does. So Im gonna play it by ear and see if I should ask or not. We’ll see.