Well, once again, things have changed.

I found out today that it’s not just going to be me, Mary, Alicia & Dan, but instead we’re planning to have some kind of anti-prom party. Now she also said something about the Olive Garden but I don’t know.

I’m guessing this wont be really a party, but instead it’ll be a get together of sorts. I want Mary to be alone so I have someone to talk to & hang out with.

Everyday I distance myself a little more from “the group” considering I don’t really like any of them anyway. Its like they emulate the more popular group but still say they hate them. Well, some do, others don’t even deny it. So, I’ll go on prom night wherever this party is. Perhaps Mary will see the real me and like me more than Courtney. I’m hoping her feelings change because there’s nothing she can do about them.

So should I be the regular, crude, human me? I’m still thinking & caring what Dan thinks, why? Jesus I can’t live without being accepted by him. It’s like he’s the standard. If he doesn’t like me, no one else will. God I can’t get over that. I’m just going to be me & say what I feel & feel what I say and all that. If no one likes it, than fuck them, I can live by myself, I’ve done it for 17 years… well, sort of.

But I must say I feel better now that I know for a fact that I am doing something. The funny part is, Im looking for something that’s not there.