Why did Amy call me again?

This sucks. She wants to know if I can hang out on Friday. I don’t want to hang out with her. And I’m going to make that abundantly clear. Again, I’m living for me now, not for anyone else. I wont live to satisfy people anymore.

I refuse to change to be part of any scene. And I will not go places or do things or be with people if I don’t want to do it.

If my instinct says no, then so will I. I will consider, but if I don’t like the outcome, then I will not do it. And I know that I will be hurting people in the process. But I just cant do it. I refuse to compromise my happiness and comfort for the satisfaction of others.

And that is FINAL.

But anyway…

I’m hoping again. That dirty word that I swore I would try and stop doing.

But I continue. It’s my nature. I hung out w/ Mary tonight at the stupid volleyball thing.

-I think that pizza gave me food poisoning, my stomach is killing me-

I acted as myself. I didn’t hold back, but then, Courtney came. I’ve gotta say, their relationship is a tad rocky. Mary claims she’s an outcast, but she still talks about strictly looks at times. I don’t know what to think. I guess I’m a third party to her as well as with all the people I’m acquainted with.

A back-up. A spare fucking tire. But, I can’t feel resentment. It’s just that everything happened so quickly.

And I’m again, yet again, on the outside. The 3rd wheel. The odd man out.

Oh well. I refuse to fall back into a hell rut. I will live on and enjoy my life doing what I want to do. No exceptions for feelings of others.