I need a girlfriend

Don’t I? Just for the social aspect. Just as Grenier broke the edge and did something he didn’t need to get out and experiment, I feel the same with girls. Only difference: this is much more important to me.

Amy #2, Christina, Mary, Alicia (right), anyone I can stand.—Heidi? I don’t know. I’m trying to write while listening to music and it’s a little harder to think. But I don’t want to turn it off.

Its just that I feel insignificant when everyone talks about how they always have something to do with their girlfriends and boyfriends and I feel like a loser always looking for something to do.

I could very easily get a girlfriend like Michelle F., or Amy #1, or someone like that. But I always seek a girl I have no chance with. Or at least a very tough challenge.

I just hope Alicia knows that if she didn’t look the way she does, she would be on her own at least for a little while. And she is NOT one to live on her own. She’s never been by herself, at least not for a very long time. She just went from one boyfriend to the next w/out ever spending time on her own. And that will hurt her much more than it helps.

But enough about her.

I’m mostly thinking of doing things that will shake up my life a little bit. Like maybe I’ll ask Eric if he wants to skip and go down to Rutgers for the day to see Less Than Jake and the 2 Skinnee J’s. But he could never take off of work. That would be sacrilege.

Dammit, I fucking hate it when he puts work ahead of life. Like on Easter. I’m not gonna commit and tell him I’m definitely working because maybe I don’t want to. But if I don’t then he will because he feels what they say is bible-fucking-law. The management doesn’t like me because I don’t do what they say and try to be their best friends. Instead, I try my best to keep the job despite slacking and I really don’t care if they say something to me.

The thing that pisses me off is when I hear it from Eric what they say about me. But it’s all bullshit anyway. If I were a harder worker, they would all love me. But I don’t give any EXTRA effort since it’s not that important a job to me in the first place. It’s not like its my career in life. It’s just a place to go and make some money so’s I can – train of thought stopped- just buy stuff I wouldn’t get otherwise.

And car insurance.