So I will now and from now on kill my censor. Well, maybe not kill him, that’d be stupid, but at least turn it down a hell of a lot. There’s not much I can’t say that a smile and an “I’m kidding” wouldn’t account for. So I will only use a censor for when I know that what I feel not only will offend someone—that’s to be expected—but also that they have a valid and rock solid reason to take offense.
For example, I will not completely ruin someone’s self-image, as people tend to do. (Eric, Dan Castalano, Brand, nearly the rest of the school). But I will comment on little observations that I would always keep to myself, or tell a few people.
Like with Joanie yesterday. I didn’t give an air like I was superior, but I also didn’t back down and hope for acceptance. Of course I was in a more prestiged (?) position at the time, being at Shop Rite a long time and her in a vulnerable position of just starting and being really nervous (& 2 years younger).
The true test will be when the roles are reversed. The problem is that sometimes the things I must censor are all I can think about.
Like “wow, this woman has only 3 teeth” or “Shit, I can’t blow my chance to go out with this girl. I really want to hang out with her”
I can’t just out and say those things. In these examples I would offend and scare off (respectively) the person I’m talking to and the conversation is halted right there since I cant get that thought out of my head and into the open and I’m forced to swallow it (forget it) which is hard to do. I guess the best way of dealing with that is to let out pieces of this thought in subtler ways which will let me express myself and move on and develop.
Wow, what a novel approach.
I can’t wait to start interacting with people and experimenting this theory.
I am one smart motherfucker.
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