Now, after reading that RetroZine column

I DO feel better. He always gives me the whole picture. It's like, I'm looking at something with a little pen light, and he comes along with a giant fucking spotlight, so I can see just how insignificant (credible, but insignificant nonetheless) what I was looking at was.

There is absolutely no shame in not liking (or liking) something someone else doesn't. The thing is, be honest about it. Don't try to hide your life and only show what they want to see and say what they want to hear. Honesty with open-mindedness is the only way to live. Otherwise, it's simply living a lie.

Now, what DO I like? Well, I like punk because it's an alternative to big-business oriented and produced music.

No, that's why I'm proud of liking punk. Bluegrass is an alternative to big business produced music, but I don't like that.

I guess it's the variety of music within the scene that keeps me interested. I can't listen to one genre of music religiously. If punk was only NOFX and Rancid, I'd have been out of the scene a while ago. It presents a great diversity though, from the Weakerthans to the Bad Brains. From the Adjusters to Boy Sets Fire. That diversity speaks to me in a way words can't. And when I say punk, I mean everything from crust to emo to hardcore, to poppy-punk to ska/reggae, mod, soul, oi, grind--everything underground. So, as a form of entertainment, it does not disappoint.

However, as a form of political epicenter and dramatically radical views, it does disappoint, in some regards. Now, bands with an introspective/political or even personal focus are my favorite to HEAR (not necessarily listen to--or is it vice versa). No, vice versa. My favorite to listen to, but not to hear. I love listening to what they have to say because every once in a while, I can connect with them and it makes me feel genuinely good.

Bands with a good sound are the ones I like to HEAR. I don't necessarily agree, understand, or connect with the lyrics in any way, but the overall sound might be what I want to hear. So, I buy CDs for 2 reasons as a result of this way of thinking.

Why is this important? Well, it's not, really. I just like to try to understand why I do things or why I say things.

This whole thought process came as a result of the Warped Tour. While I did have fun, at some points, I felt like I didn't belong there. Because I know I think much differently than most people there, and I just couldn't bring myself to chant with them or sing along (most of the time) with them.

I'm different. And it seemed completely unnatural to pretend to be part of the crowd. I might say RetroZine ruined the whole punk rock experience. But I won't. He couldn't have. He simply dropped a shit load of knowledge in me regarding the scene, and life in general.

It's up to me whether I wanted to listen or shut it out and just go along blindly, and I chose to become enlightened. And I'm sure this way of thinking will help me in the future.