I would rely on being friends with people and hope they would accept me and that's where I got my esteem from. I would believe that without them, I'm nothing. But if I were a part of them, if I could be and act just as they do, I'd be happy. I'd be satisfied because I'd be accepted.
Well fuck that.
Never again will I think that way. It's so phony. They're so phony. Well, I'm getting stronger, but I'm not 100% confident yet.
The whole sex issue is eating away at me. This whole time, all it took was confidence. With that, and semi-natural things, I could have. I don't know, though. It's late and I'm delirious. This sucks. I can't even express myself. Well, with my cousins it's phony. Both of us. I just feel it a lot.
I need, well, I feel a need to have sex only to gain acceptance and become part of the cult. It's sad, but true. I'm not over that step. Because most guys as well as girls look down on me as inexperienced. Fuck it all. I wish I could just use it to my advantage.
Ok, I don't even know what I'm talking about now, so I'm gonna stop. This thought was a pathetic failure. I'll try again tonight or tomorrow or next time I feel this. Because this book is for ME and only ME. I'll just hide it or something if I don't want others seeing it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment