Dammit.

I'm in the library, in dead silence besides the ruffling of a few papers, and I can't concentrate on my Expository essay. I went one step further last night, and I can't say I regre it, but I definitely don't feel anything towards her emotionally.

I feel kinda bad leading her on like that and leaving right away, but I want to make the picture clear. If she doesn't want to do that anymore, then that's fine with me. I don't need it or even have any incredibly strong desire for it. It's simply a nice fun thing for me and I can only hope that she doesn't have a further agenda. If we could remain on this level, I wouldn't mind at all.

But I doubt that's going to happen. Shit, it's even hard to wrote this because I'm just going over everything again. Maybe this is the wrong time to be doing this. I have finals coming up and I can't let anything fuck with that. I want to do well because this is my fate. Like I said before, I am in control. I just have to try and focus on what I should be doing right now instead of what I did last night or how my life is going to play out on account of it. It's fun and exciting and acceptable, so I have no problems with it. But luckily, I do have an interest in some of the work I'm doing, so I can focus on that.

Just relax, and try to separate one life from the other.