Holy shit, what have I gotten myself into?

I don't know what to think. Everyone thinks Raechel is weird (including me, I guess), but I can't help but like her at times. Number one, she is really good-looking, so that's helpful. On the topic of superficiality, she doesn't seem to be that bright. Sure, it's cool that we have a few of the same interests regarding music, movies, and the like, but again, I don't feel I can commit to someone who can't speak maturely and have a decent conversation with. My friends, like Melody and Ronnie for example, can fuck around and make me laugh, but then in the same conversation they can make me think. And that's what I'm looking for. Someone I could have a good time with when I'm NOT making out with her. I have to admit though, I enjoy that.

But this situation is really fucked, because me, Brian, the loser who never had a girlfriend throughout high school, has broken up an engagement. Why me? "Because you're so nice". "I love hanging out with you". Well, that really does help my confidence and all, but I cannot commit to something that resembles what you had with Jim. Or should I say, HAVE with Jim. It's just that I can't believe how someone can go from the verge of marriage and just drop EVERYTHING because she likes someone. That's not my biggest dilemma, though. There are a number of contributing factors as to why I don't think this is going to work.

I already explained that I don't get much out of conversation with her, which I kinda need at this point in my life. That's one thing. Another is that because of that density, I won't be able to spend time hanging out with her and my other friends, because I'd almost be embarrassed of her, which isn't good. Thirdly, because I wouldn't be able to be with her and my friends at the same time, I would have to choose at which points I want to be with her and which points I want to be with my friends, which is an inconvenience.

**Train of thought stopped**

Now, I know relationships aren't supposed to be "convenient", but I don't think it's right that whenever I'm with her, I'm thinking about where else I could be or how to get out of there. Another thought on my mind is Heidi. I want to break it off, but I don't know if there's even anything to break off. I didn't call her and she didn't call me, so maybe it's a mutual unspoken break-up to a mutual unspoken short-term relationship. I don't know. **Train of thought stopped**

So, I talked to Melody for about an hour and a half while we waited for our plans to work out. She agrees that I should end any possible budding of a relationship with Raechel. I've got to say, this is going to be hard because, just like with Heidi, I'm not even really in a relationship with her. I don't know. I get myself mixed up in stupid situations and I've got to learn to get myself out of them. It's that simple. I've got to live my own life without letting other people fuck with it too much. Under that logic, I want to cut off all (well, most) communication with both Heidi and Raechel. The end.