1/07/02 - Losing My Grip

I don't even know what exactly to write in here. I hate to keep writing just as an update, or simply to clear my mind before bed, but that's usually what I've done, and I guess that's what I'll continue to do.

It's just such shitty writing to say "I'm fine in this area of my life still, but this and so-and-so is giving me trouble, so here's what I plan to do". Problem is, I don't know how else to do it.

If I could turn my problems into something creative, like artwork, or athletics, or even creative writing, at least I'd have something of use, but I'm just too literal for that type of thing. One thing I do try to do is use humor whenever possible to ease my pain. Also, I sometimes tend to have a flair for the dramatic, so that seems to show in my writing as well, so hopefully these little buds of creativity can develop into something more fruitful as I continue to write.

Another problem I have is that my classes at school mostly involve writing about the subject at hand, burning me out on the activity. On the other hand, it does increase my vocabulary, and help with my writing skill, so maybe it's more of a help than a hindrance after all.

Anyways, I'm just trying to clear my mind and get some stuff I've been thinking about on paper.

First thing is my physical shape. I've been doing my upper body regimen for some 7 months now, but have been falling off over winter break, mostly because I'm hardly home, and when I am, I'm usually too lazy to do it. This might be a problem because our Backyard Fighting III takes place on the 18th, and I'm taking on Al. Starting tomorrow (if I'm healthy enough), every night I'm home, I do it.

Another concern I have is with basketball. My asthma was really acting up after that first game, and my legs and lower body was exhausted and sluggish. It really showed that I was not in shape in that regard, but again, if I'm healthy, I have to play any chance I get. This will hopefully bring my wind back to a little better than now and prepare me for the 18th.

Okay, there it is, my attempt to get everything in my head on paper. There's so much going on in my head that I don't have time to write creatively or use metaphors or focus on any one specific area. It's just a bland description of stuff in my life. Little insignificant stuff. Yet important to me nonetheless.

I'm not even going to start on Lauren, cuz I'm not in a writing mood, so I'll save that for later.

Good night.