1/10/03 - Well, since my last entry, I really feel I've had a breakthrough with Lucy

She actually feels like a girlfriend now. There's a feeling that she is into me as much as I'm into her, and finally I feel at peace.

I have normal problems that I'm not embarrassed to talk about with my friends, so even mentioning them here would just be redundant and unnecessary. And it feels so damn good to not have to figure this shit out on my own. Yeah, her mother is a huge obstacle in our relationship, but it's something that people experience often. It's a problem that I can deal with because other people can relate.

It's scary how fast we're growing up though. Just the crew in general all getting their shit together. Matt and Bubba both going to get their permits and licenses soon, Craig graduating in June and getting a real job, Eric probably moving out this summer, Matt going back to school for his nursing program, it's all going to change really quickly. Our planned Canada trip will probably never happen because when will 7 or 8 of us all get to spend a full week away with no other attachment?

Just seeing everyone get focused and setting goals makes me think about what I'm going to be doing in the near future. My ultimate goal isn't anything too lofty. I just want to be independent right after graduation, move out, find a job that allows me to live modestly, with no need for real luxuries, and continue my education as far as possible throughout. Prestige is important to a point, I suppose. If possible, I'd like to get my doctorate, probably in my major, before I hit 30, but maybe I'm asking too much.

Thing is, I want a job that constantly challenges me, but doesn't cause me so much stress that I can't enjoy the job. I think earning my Ph.D. and becoming a professor would be the ultimate for that. And I know I can accomplish it if that is what I truly aim to do. Because graduating with a degree in my majors won't really provide for much job opportunity.

Working with an HR firm would really be selling my soul, because it goes against everything I believe in. I want to work toward the advancement and the improvement and expansion of unions, but many of these jobs are for non-profit organizations, and I"m not going to be able to live off such small funds forever.

So, my ultimate goal is to first move out in 2004 after I graduate to a small, affordable place outside of the college town, where I will find some job, hopefully pertaining to my major, and at the same time attend graduate school. After getting my masters, hopefully more jobs open when added to the experience I have acquired by that time in the field. Maybe I can live on my own or with my girlfriend (if we're still together) and be able to live a little better. At this point, I hope to earn my Ph.D. at some point, and return to the education field as a professor. Also, I will have to TA during my grad years and all the while, I will be paying off loans.

Whew, there it is. Now time to collapse in my bed. 3:45 AM...damn.