1/26/02 - Regretful Pride

I don't even know what bothers me about it.

Is it that the double standard of Craig's racism and Eric's racism was exposed? Was it that he exposed that I really was giving an empty threat? Was it that he was pissed that I usually take Eric's side? Or is it the lack of respect I got back?

I don't know, it's probably nothing to even get concerned over, but I did make a mistake by taking offense to something because society tells me to.

Truth is, I wasn't offended, but for some reason, my pride made me open my mouth and defend the one half of my blood that I never really even considered myself before around last year.

I'm sure this will do absolutely nothing to change anything in our friendship, but I'm sure he has this thought somewhere in his mind, and that's what bothers me. It's not about who can kick who's ass, nor is it about who can make fun of the other one more, but it's more about who's truer, who's realer, which one is fronting more. And I think that's why I'm bothered so much by it. Because he exposed my front, and I didn't really do anything to his, except for the whole tanning thing.

I'm gonna end this little thing though, because I have reading to do. Best course of action is to be as real as you are, and don't put on fronts. No tough guy fronts, no ghetto fronts, just me as me. Because I've defined my feeling. My front was smashed, and this is the after effect. My bluff called. My poker face read. The end.