1/30/02 - Death, Departure and Friendship

I almost don't know what to write. In a span of a little over a week, 2 people in the house have left, and Doug's grandmother passed away.

As for Aziz, I really didn't think too much of it. He left, along with his attitude, and his space here. It was a matter of convenience to us. With Aaron, though, things are going to change so much more. He pretty much kept the house in order, no matter how little I want to admit it. Also, he was maybe the only one in the house I respected as much as I respect myself, which says a lot, because most people I run into in my life don't earn that. Curtis is borderline. Actually, he's probably got my respect too, but if he does, that's it.

I can tolerate Josh, Doug, Courtney, Ian, and Aziz, but I never fully respected them. Aaron was different though. He was genuine. He had nothing to prove to anybody, and I always respected that. Also, if something was bothering him, he'd out and say it. And he usually made a whole lot of sense.

It's just been a dreary, rainy night. Dreary outside, and dreary inside. I can just feel that things are going to be a lot different now, in the house. My thoughts are so jumbled, I can't even really get them out coherently.

Seems like all my friends and acquaintances are going through some life-changing experience. Aaron and Aziz are going back home, Doug lost his grandmother, Eric lost his job, his girlfriend, and not to mention his uncle a couple weeks ago, Jackson's about to get sent back to prison, hell, even Bubba got suspended and signed out of high school.

It makes me think of why people would want to sacrifice something that is so good for them. After all these turns of events, it makes me appreciate the things I do have so much more. It also makes me want to hold onto them tighter than I ever have before. Eric, Matt, and Craig are the best thing I've ever had going for me in my life. Not because they're popular kids I can show off to show how cool I am, but because they're my rock. They will always be there for me despite what I say or do. They are always willing to listen to me, and will never ditch me for anything.

And this all brings me to next year. Can I really live in a household with more phoniness than now? I really don't think it's possible. And for the $400-plus I"m paying every month to live here, I could put towards an apartment with Eric, Matt, and Craig. I could move somewhere between here and the home town and just commute every day, living with my boys and away from all this shit I'm feeling.

But I really have to get to sleep. I'll most likely write more, since so much shit has happened, but I need at least 4 hours sleep tonight.