It's not often I feel this way. Like I'm on my own again. No crew, no girl, no best friend. I mean, I do have 2 of those things at home waiting for me, but as of this moment I'm pretty comfortable being isolated. In my own little world.
I'm not as insecure as I used to be, which means I have less questions about my internal being, like what I want, what's best for me, and all that. Now it's more a question of when and how. I'm not real passionate about it anymore either, more like impatient. Seems like I'm mroe socially driven than anything else, although I can't deny that I do feel it internally too.
There's also no ONE that I'm striving for. I've gone through a good number of them: Rebecca, Alicia, Amy#2, Christina, Heidi, etc, but nothing good ever came out of it. Just being that insecure boy with a stupid crush that they all laugh at.
Insecurity is a powerful force. It can make a man do outright stupid shit. But I can't wait until I make it to the top of my game, and shit on all those that laughed. I don't sever ties, cuz I still like to grasp at straws till I find something else secure. One day, I'll look back and smile. Not cuz I realized how silly this all is, but cuz I''ll realize how much better I will have been.
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