9/3/03 - It feels like at this point in my life, I have a major decision to make

Craig, Matt, Bubba and even Eric have found their new habit, and I'm not mad about it. In fact, I've found that it's fun to do every once in a while. But when they break in a new tradition, they stick with the same routine. Craig and Eric's new routine is now to work out during the day, then get high at night. And I can't say I blame them.

At this point in their lives, things have gotten monotonous, and this is their way of escaping their life, even if only for a few brief hours, as well as having something to look forward to throughout the day.

But I hope they realize that I can't do this while I'm in the middle of (1) a great relationship built on trust, (2) my senior year in college and (3) a life that offers enough challenges and opportunities that losing control of my thoughts and coherence is something that I can't afford. And I think that is the biggest difference. If your future is going to consist of routine tasks, where the mind isn't going to have to develop, and smoking won't change the course of your future, but instead ease your way into accepting it, then that's fine. But in my life, I feel like I am far from reaching my mental peak, and smoking as much as they do, or even drinking excessively too often, will only stand in the way of what I can accomplish.

I'm not trying to throw down an ultimatum of me or pot, because I know for a fact that I could never win that battle, but I think as they get closer to Bubba's consistency of smoking, I'm only going to lose interest in going over there and hanging out. And that's what is kind of getting to me. I'd hate to lose some of my best friends from the past 3 or 4 years over something like this, but the fact is that I still love them as people, but our interests seem to be slowly moving in separate directions.