...and there's shit going on in my life. Because when I look back on the things I write about, it'll seem like my life was awful, my relationship with Lucy was a train wreck, and I never had a single happy moment.
The truth is, though, that with Lucy, I am usually so much happier than before I met her. It's just times like these when I question how much longer my happiness is going to last with her.
I don't know why she asks me questions like these. I'm not going to lie to her in my answers either. Ugh, I wonder if anyone else in the world puts up with this much mental testing without having a nervous breakdown, because I feel like I can run outside and get hit by a car and I'd have a smirk on my face because at least I'd get a minute's peace.
HOW THE FUCK am I supposed to answer questions like that? "Would you still love me if I happened to grow a penis?" "Would you still be IN love with me?" And this isn't just a friendly "what if" game either! She's basing how she thinks of me on the answer I give to this question!! AND I'M NOT GOING TO LIE! I thought she was fucking kidding about that shit. Are you fucking serious? You want me to think about what ti would be like if you had a penis? WHY? What the FUCK are you accomplishing by having this conversation with me? Are you so insecure in my love for you that you now have to make up ridiculous scenarios just so you know that there could potentially be a problem in some alternate universe?
If you don't like the honest, genuine answer I gave you to your question, then you are allowed to be upset, you're allowed to question my love for you, you're allowed to be mad at me, and you're even allowed to break up with me. I'm not going to stop you this time. You're always looking for something wrong with me, and now you've found it. There. I'm not gay. Damn, what a shitty person I am. Even though I'd still feel the same way about you as a person, Im--
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