Okay, so I've been getting really lazy on the writing tip

I guess it's because not much has really been going on. I've been home on break for nearly 3 weeks and have done nothing but passive activities for the most part. I've become re-acquainted with TV and have played video games or played around on the internet. I've really stopped partaking in active life for a while. And I'm not saying I'm regretful, I'm just stating fact.

Mostly, I've been thinking and not writing. I've been "seduced", as it were, and I've shut my mind down, sat back, and enjoyed the ride. But now, it's time to start experiencing new life again. In a couple days, it's back to school, back to Curtis and Sharon, back to Melody, and back to (ugh) Raechel. I've been thinking a lot lately about all of this, but not once did I put pen to paper. I've been too busy downloading off of Napster, watching TV, and playing Shenmue and Tony Hawk 2.

So now, my mind is overflowing with unemptied topics. My resentment of Sharon, my attraction to those I loathe (Crystal), missing Ronnie, my mixed feelings regarding Melody (and Matt), my intentions with Raechel when I get back, and numerous others.

Well, where do I start? I suppose with Melody, since that's on my mind the most right now. I honestly don't know what I'm feeling. Just being friends with her has set Matt off, which I can tell. And I really don't care. I know he's resentful of the friendship between me and his girlfriend, because he sees me as a threat. And Melody never knows where they are in their relationship. Right now she's looking for an email with all the answers in it. She writes to me as if I'm Dear Abby, which is humorous, but also makes me question what she sees me as. I know I'm considered a friend she can turn to for advice, but am I only that? I don't know. Am I just companionship in a bottle? That's what it seems like. It's almost like everything she does outside her relationship with Matt is to enhance it in the future.

This entry is coming out forced right now, and I don't know why. I'll try to write what I think instead of thinking what to write. So, what am I thinking of? Obligations. I have to hang out with Josh, I have to hang out with Eric, I have to email Melody back, I have to eat dinner soon. Okay, I'll eat dinner and maybe I'll be better suited to write on a full stomach---

Well, I ate, and I played more video games, and I was on the internet for a while, and I'm back at it.

I just watched like 2 seconds of "Friends", which brings me back to Melody's room at school, after we all got subs and watched TV and laughed together. It's not going to be the same without Ronnie there. There are so many cliques I can be part of right in the dorm. Melissa and Lisa, Raech and Danielle, Kelly and Katy, I could be down with any of them. But instead, I would rather be close friends with those that matter most to me. And the 2 that really stood out were Melody and Ronnie. There was never any bullshit between me and Ronnie. We both spoke our minds and as a result, became very good friends. But again, maybe it was just me. Maybe I got more out of our friendship than she did, which seems to happen a lot for me. Like with Alicia. Or Mary. I did so much shit for them and got hardly a "thank you" in return. With Melody, I feel like we appreciate each other more than I have felt with any other female. So, maybe that's where these mixed feelings are coming from.

Okay, so, short term stuff: I'll hang out with Eric tomorrow, maybe with Josh during the day. I also want to call Ronnie and talk to her once before I'm back at school, I don't even care about Dan anymore. And hopefully, I can talk to Melody tomorrow over the phone because I hate communicating through emails. Sounds good to me. That's enough.