Random ramblings

Okay, I refuse to dramatize my life more than what it really is. Right now, life is pretty good. I'm pretty content with most shit going on.

But, there are complications. There are always complications that keep me from being able to just lay in the sun with my dog or just bullshit with my friends.

And, as usual, the main source of these complications is money. It's surprising how much bullshitting costs when you don't keep it reasonable. Last summer, I went through the 50 bucks I earned every week like it was nothing. A burger here, a movie there, some useless product I didn't need, and I was out of money until next week. I can't afford to do that this summer. For one, I don't have a job. i swore I was gonna get one, I thought maybe last summer was just me trying to live life as enjoyable as possible. But no, it turns out I really hate commitment to anything. I don't like guaranteeing plans with anybody. I don't like restricting myself to one person, and I don't like having to be at a certain place at a certain time.

Spontaneity? Yeah, I'm fine with that. I'm not doing anything NOW, so let's do something. Who knows what I'll be doing later on? I don't want to commit myself to any certain place at any certain time. And that is the sole reason I HATE jobs. Why should I spend my time putting kids on rides for the majority of my summer, my free time? Why should I put up food in a grocery store I don't care about or take orders from people I don't even know in an attempt to get money?

I can find alternatives. I'll sell shit on eBay. I'll work at the shop on random do-nothing days. I'll dog-sit for the neighbors' friends. Just going freelance while I still can so as to keep my time just that--MY time.

It doesn't matter how I spend my time. If I want to enjoy the day and walk my dog or swim in the pool or bs with my friends, then it's my choice. Because it's my time.

Of course, on the other hand, I could be making a lot more money to pay off my debt, buy DVDs, or save in the bank this summer, but this is my decision. The rent will be paid for the summer. The debt still hangs over my head, but I can tide mom over by just giving her a little at a time.

Well, this was a really shitty entry, because I just ranted constantly. So, I'll end it now, because I have nothing left to say on the subject.