Reveling in Misery

I just realized something while talking on the phone with Grace before. Something not really provocative enough to warrant a whole article, (or an interesting one, at that) but something that doesn't seem like something I should be very proud of.

It seems I'm happiest when those around me are miserable. Well, not *happiest* exactly, but at least reassured. That's it. I like to feed off of the insecurity of other people. I want to be the secure one. This gives me that luxury.

I get to hear how fucked up everyone ELSE'S life is, so in comparison, it shows that my life's either only equally fucked up or less fucked up--

--

It's pretty strange then, that one of my closest friends for at least 5 years is the epitome of all things "normal". Curtis looks like the guy you see when you're waiting at a bus stop, stuck in traffic, in line at Shop Rite, or doing any other generic daily activity. He's the typical generic guy. Average height, average weight, short brown hair, and typical face. He's the guy you begin talking to before realizing you've mistaken him for someone else. People come up to this kid and ask "you know who you look like? Everybody!"

He also acts normally. Socially anyways. Okay, he does go into laughing fits over things not in the least bit funny. And he does make strange noises or contort his face to save an awkward moment. And he'll analyze something during a conversation to the point where you don't want to talk about it anymore. Okay, okay, he doesn't act normally at all.

But there's something in the midst of all that weirdness that is downright tame. For example, he would never consider in any way breaking the law for any reason, it seems.

But I'm getting too hung up on details. The point is, me and this kid click, even though he doesn't have that fucked-upedness that I seem to feed off of my other friends (Eric, Fat Mike, Matt, Melody, etc)

At least, he doesn't have it on the surface. Now, I could try and find some remote thing in some deep interpretation of his personality to try and solve why we click so well, but it'll probably be all bullshit. So, I'll simplify. In my simple answer, I see Curtis as a little vulnerable to the outside world given that he hasn't been hardened by life as I have. So I take his smiling attitude as slightly weaker than mine, and I tend to take an "older brother" role to him at certain points. I just like to drop reality in his life, where he doesn't quite see it. I show him that instead of taking everything with a smile, it's okay to get pissed off and do something about certain situations.

But it doesn't just work one way. He's there for me, too. He's usually the antithesis of my raging. Like, when he laughs in amusement when something pisses me off, he lets me find the humor in the situation. So, I don't get *too* pissed about things, while he doesn't back down *too* much in certain situations.

This gives me that same reassurance I was talking about, so even though he's "normal", he's not perfect, and he's not too stubborn to let me help him.