2/14/05 - Well, it's officially our 3rd Valentine's Day as a couple and how are we spending it?

How we spend 3 days a week every week--not talking to each other.

We spent Saturday together, which was fun aside from me feeling inadequate because I didn't have any grand plans and only included a nice dinner, a heartfelt card, and a DVD that I'm going to watch with her when it arrives.

But today? On the official day? I give her a call, enjoy talking to her for a few minutes, then she gets into her jealous mode where she asks first if my professor hit on me--half-joking since she got real mad at me one time for me talking about how he pretty much controls my future, then she says that the girls in my class are going to fall in love with me--again, fine if it's just a joke, but I can tell that her inadequacy is once again showing and it puts me in a defensive position again, then she has to say something about Raechel, since she's her obsession and will never be out of my life no matter how much I want her to. Then, of all sore subjects, she brings up my mom's vacation, knowing full well that I don't really like talking about things like that.

So we get past all of that. I'm done defending myself for 10 minutes like most of our conversations go, and now that I'm in this defensive mood, she mentions that she is getting me something for Valentine's Day. Feeling at once guilty and defensive, I tell her that she doesn't have to get my anything. It feels like she's just doing it because it's v-day, and I know how she feels about material things as gifts, so I honestly tell her that a gift isn't necessary. I say taht she's not working and that she doesn't have to do that, besides, you...hello? Lucy, are you there?

She calls back.

"Why do you have to mention that I don't have a job?"

Oh. Shit. I wasn't even thinking of your whole job hunt when I said that. I mean, I say that every occasion when you're about to get me something, and I'm so confident you're going to get a job that I don't really think about those things. I didn't mean it in a way where I was alluding to your job hunt. I just meant at this moment in time you don't have a job, and you don't have that much money, so don't worry about getting me anything, because all I ask is taht you are happy and enjoy your time with me.

The heavy feeling passed. I can't write anymore at this time.