Sure, that lyric refers to smoking weed, but it applies nonetheless. Just enjoy yourself. I'm not going to say "enjoy life", because that's treating "life" like it's a theme part ride you can just get on or off whenever you feel like it.
You can't treat it like it's something you just voluntarily jump on and can exit whenever, but to just smile and enjoy it for now. No, I've experienced my own bouts of depression, my own inadequacies, lost friends, tried to define myself with stereotyped cliques, and did things I didn't even enjoy so I could feel wanted, and alienated myself voluntarily because of my stupid stubbornness.
And I don't regret any of it.
I don't regret being so clingy with Heidi, because I won't make that mistake now with someone I actually enjoy spending time with. I don't wish to take back Hell Rut back in senior year, because my current state of satisfaction and happiness is that much better after having gone through that shit. I don't regret being a pussy and succumbing to the bosses at Shop Rite because that won't happen again. This is shit that can't be taught. I just have to find myself through experience, which seems to be working bettr. I still feel I have al ong way to go even though I've come so far.
But right now--as of this moment, anyway--I'm happy. I'm content. And I'm comfortable. And whoever gave me the idea that constantly being out there and not quite being totally at peace is the way to become happy is a bullshit artist. I'm happy when I'm comfortable and relaxed. When I've "taken care of head". Then, from this position, I feel more confident in life. And I do things that would have filled me with vomiting butterflies not too long ago with complete ease and confidence.
Like getting Christina's number today. I happened to bump into her and I took advantage. And while I still think a lot about her, she's not the ONLY thing on my mind, as Alicia, Mary, or (even further back) Rebecca was. I remember working and just feeling so disturbed and disgusted with life because they weren't as big a part of my life as I had hoped for. I was so desperate to always be doing something with somebody not just because I felt lonely and wanted companionship, but because that's what I thought I "should" be doing. I didn't allow myself to be comfortable in my life.
No, instead I had to get into adventures so I could have stories for myself to amuse me and others. And I see this trend in a lot of bored white middle class kids. Instead of being comfortable with one another, they have pissing contests over who can lead the craziest life. Who does more drugs, who fucks more people, who's been arrested more times, etc, etc...
But these adventures are phony because they're not genuine. No one ever gets in any serious problems because of the situation they are in. They bring these problems on themselves. Look at a poor or lower or working class kid and see how he or she lives life. now, I don't know exactly where I'm going with all this, because these are just random thoughts coming into my head, but I'm just trying to point out the difference between someone who can afford to screw around in life and get away with it, and someone who is one screw-up from fucking life up and making it a lot harder on themselves. How this came about from me being happy and content is beyond me, but I thought it, so it's gotta have some relevance to me.
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