"And it isn't really showing any sign of slowing"

Well, it's part II of my hectic-as-fuck slash boring-as-fuck life. I don't even know where to begin. Let's see, tomorrow I have off and everyone else (except L) is working, so I'll be able to breathe for a little while. I was also invited to go down to the hotel at Seaside that's being rented out by Heidi and Christina. I also made plans to hang out with Curtis tomorrow after 5. I also work the next morning at 9 at the Kids Amusement Park, who just happen to be Nazis about hours. So this is the dilemma right now. Do I go to Seaside tomorrow night or not? There's a lot of factors going into this seemingly insignificant decision.

Lets say I go. First of all, I'll either have to rush the time spent with Curtis or invite him up with me, both of which would not work out well at all. I can't just ignore him like I kinda did on Friday, because that would make me an asshole, and I don't like assholes. So, my first rule is to not rush hanging out, just play it by ear. Now, if I'm done hanging out at a reasonable time, then I have to make the choice whether to go down to the hotel or not. The main problem here is driving by myself late at night to the beach, which would be hell on mom. I won't lie to her, I'll just tell her that they invited me down there and I wanted to hang with Curtis first.

Oh, man, so much goes into this that it's hard to stay focused. Whenever I feel like going in depth about one thing, all the other things clog my thought process, leading to choppy thinking and choppy writing.

Breaking it down, there are several factors: my plans with Curtis, my commitment to my job, my mom and sister being against me having a life, trying to further my relationship with Christina, trying to live out my youth at every opportunity, not wanting to get sick again, not wanting to drive by myself to the shore late at night, wanting to break routine, etc, etc.

It goes deeper than simply wanting to go or not. There are so many factors which bring up a lot of pressing issues in my life at this point. I want to have some type of relationship with a girl right now. It's not just "I'm horny", but I feel a real desire to get closer to Christina. And I'm playing the game pretty well. I got her to call my house back today, which is pretty efficient. But anyways, going down there would be the perfect opportunity to further our relationship.

This is such a shitty entry, though, because the past hour or so was fucking hectic. I talked to Curtis, Craig, Amy#2, Christina, the rowers all at the same time. And it was all half-assed and rushed because I was in like 20 different conversations. Not to mention the sister constantly walking in asking to check her email while I'm trying to keep up with everybody. My head is spinning trying to figure out where I stand and what I should do from here.

So back to the situation, I already established that I will hang out with Curtis for as long as he wants. If it means hanging out until midnight then so be it. For structure's sake, I'll say that if we hang out until anytime after 10 PM, then the shore is off indefinitely. Before that, though, and I'll have to weigh other options. The sister works the next day, so she does not factor in. Mom will be against it for a few reasons. She needs me to work to pay off my debt to her, she doesn't like me driving late at night or by myself, she doesn't know the people that are staying there, and she doesn't like the idea of me being at a party in the first place. So by going I will anger her, scare her, and disappoint her in one fell swoop. Man, that makes it very difficult to go.

As far as work is concerned, I could easily call out from a cell phone or something in the morning, so that pretty much doesn't affect me as much as I thought it would.

So I guess it comes down to practicality vs. desire. It is much more practical to just stay put, hang out in the hometown, and envy everyone having a good time there than it is to go there, defy everyone back home, and enjoy myself while others worry, get pissed, or get disappointed. Dammit, why do I have so many connections? I am truly a creature of my surroundings. And there's so much on my plate, I can't even pick at all of it. I tried that tonight, and it turned me into a wreck and fucked up my smooth thinking that blends intellect and humor and introversion into half decent writing. Instead I'm just blabbering about stupid shit that doesn't even really have a huge impact on my life, but affects everything a little bit, I mean EVERYTHING, so it beings up so much crap that I don't know where to begin. So, I guess my final answer is that I'll stay home and maybe go during the day or something.

I don't know. This entry sucked. Everything's spinning. I'll figure this out tomorrow.