Who do I constantly do favors for Mary and Alicia?

If I ask them to do something for me, would they do it? I drive Alicia home, I wait with her until Alyssa gets there to take her home, I go with Mary to the volleyball tournament AND the Olive Garden (not to mention paying) because she knows everyone else has something better to do and she can always rely on me.

Now I do enjoy spending time with her more than anything. But that’s immaterial. She probably doesn’t know that. The problem might be that I’m too good of an actor. But I don’t know. I do it because I want to be with her as much as possible. And I want to make an impression on her. And any opportunity that arises where I can do just that, I immediately jump on.

She, on the other hand, hangs out with me as a last resort. At least that’s how I see it.

The 2 times we hung out were the 2 times that Courtney had another appointment. And the 2nd time, we went to SEE Courtney. But she wouldn’t say that to me.

I asked “What are we doing here?”

Because she wanted to be there just as little as I did. And she would not reply. Maybe because she knows I like her and she’s scared that if I found out the truth, that it would crush me. But what is good is that I feel so damn comfortable with her, that I could tell her basically anything, and we could still be friends. And that gives me some motivation o just let it all out.

“Destroyed by quiet, let it out before it kills you now, I want you.
So now you know where I come from, my secrets come undone, my heart’s revealed my cause. I’m laying naked at your feet, don’t crush the heart that bleeds, take me as my word, it may sound absurd but I want you”
-Jawbreaker

Those lyrics have a special meaning to me. If I’m ever “lying naked” and vulnerable at the feet of Mary, I don’t think she would “crush the heart that bleeds”.

It also pushes me to not allow a possible developing friendship or relationship to be “destroyed by quiet”, I must express my feelings (at the right time) and “get it out before it kills me now, let it all out”. But I just don’t know when to do it.