"Contemporize, man"

Well, I just talked to Raechel for about an hour on IM. I'm not really feeling much, though, because the internet kind of bastardizes conversation. All the shivering, butterflies, and nervousness go out the window. There's no body language or any gauge to tell how the other person is really feeling or what they're really thinking. These things speak louder than the actual words that come out of someone's mouth. That's just the final version of what they're "saying". The censored, carefully considered version. The cool thing about face-to-face personal conversation is that you can watch the whole process and make your own interpretation of what you're really saying to one another.

That is all lost on the internet. And that's what makes it so easy to talk to strangers, people you are intimidated by, and people you feel awkward around. Because conversation is always the same. It always takes place in that little box, it always goes on in order of "you talk, then I talk", and it usually ends with someone saying "I gotta go" and leaving just like that.

Raechel and I just had the best conversation we've ever had, because of that one reason: no sexual tension. In all of our face to face conversations, one of us was always hoping to get with the other, which led to empty conversation and physically getting progressively closer. It was her pushing the agenda in the beginning, but eventually I was the one begging for it, I'll admit it. But without any chance of this happening, we could actually just talk to talk. And I realized that we are very clickable when that happens.

But I guess I'm exaggerating a little bit. There's still some room for interpretation when talking on the internet. And there's still a modicum of sexual tension between us even when speaking 45 minutes away over the internet. And again, I was probably the instigator. But that whole "would you let me save you?" thing seemed to be a disguised attempt. Who knows, though.

Alls I know is that I'm glad to have talked to her again. And whatever that may mean, that I like her again, taht I want to go back and have stringless hook-ups again, or that I'm just lonely and looking for someone to talk to--all I know is that I don't regret it and I'm looking forward to talking to her again.

Yeah, I'm fucking crazy and like to live in my past. The end.