I'm exhausted, Lucy

We've been through this same fight way too many times, and I don't think I can go through this anymore.

You're about to hear me at my most candid.

It's been the same fight over and over. I give and I give, but no matter what I do, I can't make up for the distance between us. You can't accept the fact that we're 40 minutes away and that your mother won't allow you to stay here any longer than 12 hours. You can't accept the fact that when I send you an email or a text or give you a call, that I'm not doing it to keep you from bitching, but I'm doing it as an expression of my love for you.

I was hesitant to take you back a few weeks ago, because I didn't want to go through this pain again, but you've once again backed me into a corner, and I have no choice but to end our relationship--this time, for good.

You took an honest mistake by me--albeit one I make frequently--and you turned it into a situation where we can't even perform a simple form of communication anymore without you calling into question my intentions.

Every helpful gesture I make could now be potentially seen as "making up for" some inadequacy of the past. I can't simply say "I love you" anymore without some part of you wondering why I'm saying it. And when you thought I was blatantly lying to you about sending the text wrong, that showed me how much you really think of me as a person.

If I can't trust my girlfriend, the girl who I believed to be my best friend in the world, to believe me when I tell her something, then who can I trust?

By this point in our relationship, I would have hoped that you genuinely knew me well enough to know that at the very least, I'm not a liar. I know you like to look at life cynically, but to have such a negative view of me after all we've been through and all we've done for each other, that honestly breaks my heart.

You've broken my heart so many times, because I've put all my faith in you to be the girl that trusts me and loves me and accepts me for who I am, because that has been the way I've felt about you for so long. And I thought that maybe that break-up changed things and allowed you to step back and understand what we do mean to each other when we are together, but it seems like nothing can fix the insecurity that arises between us.

To just up and say that texting is ruined now, and that we can't do it anymore is no small thing to say, Lucy. Since I can't email you every day, and I can't call you every day, texts are our only form of day-to-day communication. Because you happen to initiate them takes nothing away from the fact that I use them to brighten your day when I know you're going to get one. At least it shouldn't. Do you think I keep track of who emails who a day or who makes the initial phone call or who is on IM the most? Last time I checked, our relationship wasn't a contest, and I have never attempted to do something and later rub it in you face that I did more for you than vice-versa. Something is very wrong if you need to sink to that level. I understand that it upsets you, but don't attempt to make it look like I'm not putting effort in this relationship, because I would give the world to you if I had it. I went out of my way to tend to your every need, and all I'd ever asked for it was a smile.

Have you ever asked me to do something that I had blatantly turned down without a reasonable explanation? Did I ever ignore something that was bothering you, no matter how small and insignificant it may have seemed to an outside observer?

I sacrificed so much just for the far better reward of being able to call you my girlfriend. I treated you like a treasure, because that's what, in all honesty, I felt you were to me. I REQUESTED you to start fights with me, because I wanted this relationship to be long-lasting and meaningful, and I knew it would take fights to do that.--

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